OMG had a total melt down yesterday morning and a total breakdown last night.
Usually as long as my home life is stable I can cope with everything else. But between bloody painting that has taken over everything, my house in total disarray because of it and my little girl who is not at all happy, and Josh who is not a happy chappy either, home life is not stable in the least.
Whilst trying to pull myself together after major melt down yesterday morning I wrote out a list of things that are stressing me out at the moment. Gee what a list. It is really interesting when you do that.
It comes as no surprise to me that painting had the most points when it comes to stresses. Besides being so very sick of painting, I can't believe how long it has taken for the small amount that I have accomplished. The swelling and pain from it has been intense, with me needing to take a day or two off between sections with extra medication. The extra meds stuff up my sleep which really doesn't help. This, of course, has lead to the realisation that this job is just beyond my capabilites now and that hurts more than the stupid arthritis... My whole home being turned upside down from moving furniture and things out of the way is a nightmare. Not to mention that I feel that Zanda is being eradicated with each brush stroke. No more Zanda blue bedroom paint... and to top everything off I miss my fish. OMG how insane does that sound? but I do. I miss my fish (which are in Josh's room). And last but not least, when I finish the days painting, I then have to turn around and do all the chores and cooking that I would have usually been doing. For some unknown reason Josh just hasn't helped at all. *sigh* but he is going through his own stuff at the moment.
So yeah, after looking at all the negative points re the painting I have given myself permission to stop painting and put myself and my house back together. That's it, enough. Can't do this anymore.
So last night I asked Josh to ring his brother and tell him to call me sometime tonight when he has the chance, as i knew that talking to Zanda would help me feel better. Well then the STUPID phone decides not to work, which was the last straw for me. I sat there on the floor and bawled... OMG try to help myself and then that happens. Josh comes out and asks what's going on and heaps of this spill out. Josh promises to start helping with the painting. HA on the very day I give up! Anyway he makes me a great cuppa, digs out some white chocolate that's hiding in the cupboard and he calls his brother on his iPhone so I could still talk to him. What a guy. When he pulls it together, he really pulls it together. So I did get to talk to Zanda last night. :) After Zanda being worried as to why I was crying omg he offers to help me with the painting when he comes down this week! HA another offer of painting help on the day I give up. Weird. If only people had helped me before I had a breakdown about it...
Anyway had a great conversation with Zanda catching up on what's been happening with him. He told me of the games his been playing, the movie he went to see and lots of other things. I felt much much better after spending some time with him.
Oh and I helped myself over the problem of feeling that Zanda was being eradicated with painting over his blue bedroom colour. I put one on his small stuffed toys, Pooper Scooper Evie (as we call her) ontop of my stereo, and hung a picture that he drew of our block of flats complete with rose garden, satellite dish and drive way hanging on the back of the front door. :) feels much better now, with reminders of him around. Plus I had already decorated my room with some of gifts he and Josh had given me, so yeah... feeling better about having my Zanda things around. :)
and kudos to Scott for emailing hugs to me in the midst of my morning meltdown... as soon as I read the email, I was reminded to take a deep breath and relax. Thanks Scott for your impeccable timing as always *hugs*
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