I haven't even slept in my own bed since the girls were put to sleep. Everytime I walk in my room my heart breaks - I expect to see her sprawled out on my bed or sleeping curled up on her favourite cushion which is next to my pillows. I was so very attached to her particularly. She was my little girl, who managed to fill a huge gap in my heart with her sweet presence.
For the next three and a half days while Josh is visiting his dad is the first time I have truly been alone since I can remember. Tash, Miss Peggie and Pixie were always there ready to keep me company and curl up with me at night. I haven't been without a feline companion for many, many years. My cats are a massive part of me, a huge part of my identity and without them all I feel so lost. I wish things were so very different. I wish they weren't all as sick as they were. I am so very sorry I did it. So very sorry I gave up on them.
I want my Pixie back. desperately. She was my constant companion and my constant shadow. Even if I got out of bed at night, there she was following me and waiting patiently. When I went to bed for the night up she jumped, purring loudly in my ear, sleeping curled up with my arms circled around her, often resting her head on my arm. and omg when she washed herself before falling asleep she would "turn on the lick" as Josh named it - she would wash herself, then not being content with that would wash my hand or Tash when he was still with us. She just couldn't seem to turn off the lick sometimes lol it was so cute. Often she would decided in the middle of the night that she needed reassurance that I hadn't forgotten about her, or perhaps she was reassuring me that she hadn't forgotten about me hehehe and would nuzzle up to me closer purring loudly. Of course a major pat session would follow in my sleepy state, then she would lull us both back to sleep with her purring.
Even during the day she would be with me. If I was reading or crocheting, there she was right next to me. If I was on the computer she would either be asleep on a chair close to mine or on a cushion next to my feet. Or sitting on the mat at the backdoor looking outside watching the birds or the neighbours coming and going.
Sitting on the backdoor step was always one of my favourite places to be, even more so because the girls always came and sat there with me. I would sit on the top step with the screen door open while the girls sat next to me enjoying the fresh air, sunning themselves and watching the birdlife, ants and lizards unobstructed. People always commented at how good they were sitting in the doorway and staying there. They were just good girls.
And oh how Peggie loooved it when we would rip off some grass for her! Talk about possessive about the grass lol Cats really enjoy eating grass - as weird as that sounds. Whenever we would pull some long grass off and bring it in to them she would be crying and carrying on a treat till she got it. Then she always tried to pinch it from the other two. hahaha funny girl.
Peggie was an amazing cat. She was Josh's cat through and through. She adored her daddy. When she wasn't sitting at the backdoor mat, she was at the end of her daddys bed. On my really bad arthritis days when I was stuck in bed and in alot of pain, Peggie would always appear, jump up, give me lots of love and sleep by my legs. She had alot of love to give. And I so appreciated her company.
Tash was a great big softy. You only had to pat him once and it would start him purring away for a couple of hours! true! it was hilarious. And trust me he purred loudly. Some nights it was hard to sleep with his loud purring going off next to you :P not to mention his snoring! how that cat snored!
If I could take it all back I would. In a heartbeat.
I just wish Pixie would come visit me like Tash often does. I am so desperate to see her and hear her purr. Pixie please come to me tonight. I need you badly. I am so sorry I let you down. Please forgive me. I am happy you are with your Tash again and your Peggie and that you are all well and healthy now.
I miss you all so very much. I don't know how to go on without you all. I feel so terribly alone.
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